Adoption Thoughts: Birthmothers

There’s not been a lot of news to share for our adoption process, which is why I haven’t been posting. For once in my life I haven’t had much to say ;) (Shocker, huh?!)

Tonight our adoption agency provided a webinar session for all the families who are currently in process of adopting from Korea. Although there wasn’t a lot of solid information to share, it was informative none the less. We did receive some news, but again nothing solid so it really leaves us back where we started with……no news! 

So why am I typing a no news update? I feel compelled to discuss a key part of any adoption process, the birthmother.  I was shocked an awed by my fellow adopting parents who were on this webinar tonight. It saddens me how quickly adoptive parents forget the one person who allowed them to adopt their child in the first place. The person who is at the forefront of any child's adoption story, the birthmother.

As some of you have read, our process has slowed down due to a new adoption law that was implemented towards the end of 2012. This law has allowed for an additional step of transparency for the women that so selflessly relinquish their child to be adopted by another.  This law requires a “re-relinquishment” step to allow for birthmothers to decide if they would like to take their child back or move forward with the second relinquishment. When my agency was describing this to families tonight (which has been described and defined over and over again) it amazed me to hear that families are angry (with the birthmother) that their child might be taken away.  It’s the sense of entitlement that astonishes me like they are entitled to this child.  Don’t get me wrong, if Bennett’s mother chose to take him back towards the end of the process I would be heartbroken to lose him, but at the same time I would be at peace knowing that his birthmother is able to provide and take care of him.  Will it be hard to start the process over again? Yes it would be, but I cannot argue with his birthmother. It’s not a decision that is taken lightly by Korea as social workers work with the birthmother to reevaluate the situation before officially moving forward.  Not to mention it is rare for a birthmother to take a child back so late in the process.  However, some of the questions families asked were so insensitive. “Doesn’t she know the child has a family waiting for them?” “Why would a birthmother take her child back?” It just saddens me that we so easily can forget the sacrifice that birthmothers make.  A sacrifice that resulted in me being blessed with a child.

In my family, we will honor and respect our birthmother and remember her sacrifice. After all, she will give my family the greatest gift and blessing we could ever ask for, a child.