The "No Good News" Update (Be forewarned this is a long one)

I have been putting off writing a blog update for a few weeks now. At first it was because there really wasn't much to say, but now there is A LOT to share. I'll begin with adoption updates, but I also need to share some family news as well.

On the adoption front, we are starting to lose hope and are worried we may not get to travel this year, as initially anticipated.  As I previously have mentioned, the Korean government implemented a new law that requires a Court Review by a Family Court Judge who gives the final adoption approval. The approval is needed in order for families to travel.  To put things into perspective, the Family Court judges have minimal experience with adoption.  They started reviewing domestic adoption cases in Korea last year and this current review of international adoption cases is a first for them.  They are in the process of learning what the many documents and procedures are and determining a method by which to most reliably review each case.  Obviously, we expected there to be a learning curve and with any new law, it takes time for things to get moving.   

To date, our agency had three cases submitted at the beginning of January to the Family Courts for the Court Review step.  Additional documents have been requested (which were easy to obtain from families' files) and we had hoped that a two months later things would be moving forward. However, we were notified last week that the judges have requested that each adopting family appear before the Courts for an interview.  Our agency's cases have been assigned court dates for April. The Courts have not given a reason as to why the sudden change of heart nor have they provided any information about what this interview will entail, including a time frame, do both parents need to be there, etc.

Obviously, we are heart broken that this means more time away from Bennett. With 2012 travel groups still waiting to travel, we wonder if Korea will ever start the 2013 travel quota. To clarify, families travel by the date they accepted their referral. Korea also limits the number of children that are allowed to leave the country via adoption each year.  Right now families who were matched in October 5-Dec. 30, 2011 are waiting to travel.  These families would finish up the 2012 quota and allow Korea to start the 2013 quota.  We accepted our referral in August 2012. Please pray that the Family Courts resolve this travel issue quickly and that things get moving for families who are anxiously waiting to bring their children home. 

To provide some additional insight about the request from the Family Courts regarding this interview, I defer to Steve Morrison, the founder of MPAK (Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea). I've heard Mr. Morrison speak and he is a wonderful person with a huge heart for adoption.  He was one of the first children adopted from Korea to the U.S. From the MPAK blog (www.mpakusa.blogspot.com): "It has to do with the travel requirements, which will strain and burden many adoptive families, especially those with children in their care already.  The travel is necessary for the parents to go over to pick up their children and finalize adoption in Korea before the judges of the Family Court.  They (the agencies) are predicting that adoptive parents can expect to wait 3 – 4 weeks in Korea while adoption is being finalized.  

The great bulk of this waiting is due to the reconsideration period requirement of 14 days.  During this time the parents are expected to be in Korea, at least that is the latest policy, but the agencies will be meeting with the judges and lawyers to discuss the impact that this regulation would have upon the visiting parents in terms of their time and expenses, not to mention the impacts upon the other children in the families.

Once the adoptive parents stand before a judge to interview through a process of questions and answers, and if the judge finds the parents acceptable based on all the paper works submitted and reviewed, then the judge declares adoption to go forward and the 14-day waiting period begins.  This waiting period is designed to give chance to birthmothers to take back their children should they change their minds.

Birthmothers will not be present during the time when the adoptive parents stand before the judge. However, a separate inquiry will be made by the court beforehand to confirm birthmothers’ intention of giving up their children.  Even if a birthmother confirms her intention to give up the baby, the judge will issue the 14-day waiting period when the prospective adoptive parents stand before a judge.  After the 14-day reconsideration period is over, then the judge finalizes adoption and grants the parents to take the child home. 

So the intercountry adoption picture gets uglier due to the Special Adoption Law, which seems to focus on giving the birthmothers as much chance as possible for them to raise their own children.  Nobody can deny the well-intentioned purpose of the law, but the reality just does not support it.  What concerns me is that some of these birthmothers may decide on a moment to raise their children, but once the reality and hardship strikes them on their everyday lives, they may give up their babies later.  There have been many in the past where the birthmothers gave up their children as they realized that raising children requires a lot of commitment and sacrifice that they were not prepared for. 

It is entirely possible that during the 14-day waiting period some birthmothers may decide to take back their babies (just got an email today from a woman where this has just recently happened to her).  Some may last longer than 14 days, but some will give up before the 14-day period is over.  In this case the patience of the waiting parents may be rewarded. 

I appreciate Steve's post as it explains the purpose of the Special Adoption Law and a little more detail about what might happen if and when we travel. It is terrifying to think that we might make this trip, only to go home without Bennett. I believe in transparency and want to make sure that Bennett's birthmother has truly made the best decision for herself. However, by the time we travel, she will have had almost two years or more to change her mind. Yes, she could still change her mind after two years, but is it realistic? Are the Family Courts being realistic? 

Truly I know it is out of my hands and in God's, but I hope more than anything that Bennett is home before his second birthday. It's hard to see him grow in photos (even the bad photos of the big, white fluffy jacket). I share our most recent photos, which no longer have the white jacket, but instead a fluffy pink one! I know that they have limited means in terms of clothing and that it is really cold in Korea, but the pink jacket makes me laugh! 

In other family news, my grandmother has had a recent fall (one, that she does not remember) and was in a rehabilitation facility recooperating. She had to have stitches on her head and the fall also caused her brain to bleed.  She was admitted to the hospital last night because she was having trouble breathing. She has blood clots in her lungs.  Because her brain has not stopped bleeding, the doctors are concerned about what medication to give her to break up the clots. She was given an anti-coagulant today and hopefully that will clear things up. If not, we've been told that this will most likely lead to death.  My grandmother has said for years that she's ready to die and to go be with God. However, with any loss, it's hard for my family to accept.  Right now they are keeping her calm and comfortable in the hospital. Only time will tell about her fate.

I had already scheduled a visit to Indiana for March and I hope I get to see my grandmother before things get any worse. Please keep our family in your prayers as we have a lot on our shoulders right now and a heavy load to bear.

Amanda