We are ready for Trip #1

Needless to say, 2013 has been a good year. It's been a roller coaster of emotions, but we are definitely ending things on a marvelous note. God is good!!  There is a light at the end of our adoption tunnel as we have a court date scheduled for the end of January.  We are lucky in that we have over a month to make travel plans; so often, things happen so quickly that there is not time to adequately plan. Our flights have been scheduled.  We are thankful that there is a direct flight to Seoul from DFW. The main concern with the flight is the fact that its 16 hours! 16 HOURS! We've never been on a flight that long. We're not by any outlets either :( We're planning on buying those recharging devices because we know our iPads will not last that long. Does anyone have a brand or model suggestion for one of these devices?

We researched hotels and decided to stay at the Eastern Social Welfare Society (ESWS), which is the organization that handles affairs surrounding adoption, children and families in need, etc. ESWS has a guest house that is available for families. Space is limited so we were fortunate to reserve one of their three rooms. It has alleviated a lot of travel stress for us because the guest house is actually in the same building where we will first meet Bennett, our foster mother, Mrs. Lee, along with our social worker and other ESWS staff. It will be nice to simply take the elevator down a few floors for major meetings instead of having to navigate Seoul. We also have "met" (via a group on Facebook) two families who will be in Korea the same time that we will be. We all have court on the same day and are likely with the same judge as we're scheduled in back-to-back 10 minute increments. One of the families is staying at the ESWS guest home as well so we are looking forward to "knowing" someone.

We are researching all the touristy things we can do during our trip. I would like to visit the hospital where I was born and see what else I can find about my beginnings. We meet Bennett the first business day in Korea and then court is not for another 4 days. We wish we could see him more than once, but it looks like only one visit. We are also trying to figure out what to get for everyone in Korea. We are supposed to give gifts to our foster mother (and her family), social worker, and the ESWS staff. It's hard to give gifts to people you've never met. We would like our gifts to be somewhat meaningful, but we are struggling. For Mrs. Lee I am making her a scrapbook of all the photos we've received throughout our process. We've also had an ornament made with one of our favorite Bennett photos to give her. It's hard to give gifts that truly express your gratitude for the care and love they've given your child for the past two years. As for the social worker and the staff, we're at a loss. Any suggestions?

On another note, to those that ordered in our coffee fundraiser, thank you! We don't receive a list of those who order through our site. I requested one, but they don't save personal information from orders to pass along. We are going to continue to take orders into 2014! Shop online at Ground to Cup Coffee.

I'm sure I'll have many more questions for everyone and be needing advice as we countdown to our first trip. Stay tuned for more posts.
Amanda (and David)

PS: For the most part, Bennett's room is complete. I've posted before and after pictures below. The blue/green table is a train table and we'll eventually move that out into our living room to make a play area. I will be putting a reading corner together where the table currently is located. I've ordered these plastic shelves that you mount on the walls and hope to add a nice rocker.


   

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!

I cannot even begin to explain how in shock I am................reality still has not set in........

Our court date is scheduled for January 28th. I don't have all the details of our first trip yet, but I'll post more once I've been able to stop hyperventilating. 

The first thought that came to my mind was the panic of, "I'm not ready to be a mom." We've waited so long that this is all so surreal. Needless to say we are looking at flights and getting a hotel booked. Please keep us in your thoughts as we get ready for this final leg in our adoption journey!

Love, Amanda (and David)

PS: We're raising money for our final trips with Ground to Cup Coffee. Please consider shopping with this great business. Their coffee is wonderful. You can shop the Duvall Fundraiser page at: http://www.groundtocupcoffee.com/online-store/merchant.mvc?Store_Code=COFFEE&Screen=PLST&Affiliate=duvall3318

You can also make donations via PayPal through our blog!

Food for Thought: Growing up Asian (and new Bennett pictures)

A dear friend of mine sent me this article, Finding My Voice: Growing Up Asian and Adopted in the Midwest and it resonated with me. I wanted to share it as it all too eloquently puts things into a familiar perspective. I often have nightmares that I am back in that time and kids are still asking me if I'm related to Mrs. Pancake because I have a flat face or that when I'm meeting someone for the first time and because I have an "American" name - they are surprised when I am not white, but Asian. Yes, I once had a group of kids refuse to talk to me once they met me in person and realized I wasn't white.

I grew up wanting to look like my white friends from their blond hair and round eyes. I hated who I was because everyone made fun of my almond eyes and the fact that I was different. The worst was that teachers from school to Sunday School were also antagonizing. I will never forget when one of my Sunday School teachers taped a Snickers bar upside down to the board and asked me if I could read it. Everyone laughed (including myself), but it's things like this that have stayed with me over the years. I don't think I ever went back to Sunday School after that incident and ironically this teacher went on to adopt children of his own. I'd always hoped he didn't antagonize his own children like he had done to me that day.

I don't share this with you for your sympathy, but as a reminder that words hurt and even though they may be only words they stay with you. Yes, you can move on and forgive, but it's experiences like these that can cause you to have a different outlook.  I became very bitter and hateful and pushed people away.  I was so unhappy growing up and hated everyone and everything. It wasn't until I went to college that I learned to embrace these differences and be proud of who I was.

Self-esteem is something we all struggle with at one point or another. It's important to teach our children to love themselves, which can be difficult to do. The first step is learning to love ourselves and set an example; something I still struggle to do. I worry about the words that may get said to my own child and how I will handle his tears. I hope that I can set a good example and teach my son to love who he is. I want him to grow up loving life and loving who he is.

"Power to the People"

Adoption Update - No travel for us this year

So far we have been waiting 7 weeks for EP to be issued.  Right now it's been taking up to 12 weeks for EP to be issued due to staffing changes in the Ministry. Apparently, entire departments have been restaffed and changed (of course this would have to happen during our process). So that means there is not a chance for us to travel this year. Once EP is issued it will take another 4-5 weeks (or longer) for the Courts to review our case. It would be great if we could travel and be with Bennett on his second birthday (Jan. 14), but that's not looking likely either. Needless to say, I'm a little bitter.  Whatever happened to us traveling in August of 2013!

Today has been rather heartbreaking for me.  It's Orphan Sunday and I'm still without my child.  The wait gets to me some days more than others, but lately it really has me down.  I have no motivation to work on his room and honestly, it feels like this process is never going to happen. That's how I feel today. When we were first matched with Bennett in August 2012, I was so excited to be a mom. Now, we've waited for so long, I feel like it's never going to happen. Our adoption bill keeps going up, but we are no closer to bringing home Bennett.

On other news, our home study update is done. Let's hope that it's the last update we have to do. 

I promise that the next update will be more peppy!

Love, Amanda

Exciting News!

We've had some exciting news, which turned out to be the perfect gift on our 5th anniversary (Friday 13th). We are one step closer to Court. Currently, our case has been submitted to the Ministry for Emigration Permission. This process takes anywhere from 3-8 weeks.  Some cases have been taking 10+ weeks so we hope ours will stay under 8 weeks.  It's so exciting to see some movement. To date, our agency has had 5 families travel and are home with their little ones. It's great to know that things are moving slowly, but surely.
We're still waiting to receive our FBI clearances. We sent them in 3 weeks ago. It takes 4-6 weeks to receive the clearances so hopefully they'll get here soon. We also have been asked to update our home study. We updated it when we moved to TX last year and hoped we wouldn't have to update anything until our CIS paperwork expired. However, judges in Korea have been wanting home studies to have been completed in the last year. Our last home study was completed at the end of October 2012. We're cutting it close so our agency has asked us to update "just in case." I'm glad that we're covered in case, but it's more money and a home study does not come cheap.

We also found out that we won't be getting updated photos this month, which is sad. There are a lot of holidays in Korea this month so social worker's are not taking photos like they usually do. At least I think that's why they're not taking them. Either way, I know we won't be getting anything new. :( However, I don't think I ever shared last month's photos. So I thought I'd share one now. He looks so grown up in this photo!

Until next time,
Amanda and David

Finally we have movement...

I am so excited to work on adoption paperwork. I never thought I'd actually say that, but the truth is, it's been nice to have something to do. We've been so stagnant in this process over the past 6 months that it is nice to be able to do something, even if is more paperwork. We currently are working on FBI clearances. The State of Texas doesn't require them for our home study process, as many states do. The Korean courts don't understand that each state does things differently in the US. Some families are required by their state to pass an FBI clearance as part of their home study. In TX they are simply happy with a state level criminal check. In order to prevent delays for our case in the future, our agency has requested we go ahead and complete a check in case the Korean Courts ask for it.

I have to say I've been really impressed with our adoption coordinator. Many of you have heard me complain about my various coordinators along the way, but our newest coordinator has been so sweet. She always answers my questions right away and she even called our social worker in TX to find out how we go about completing this new criminal check. She emailed us detailed instructions and did all of the research for us. I cannot tell you how much of blessing it is to have someone research some of the paperwork for you. She has made updating paperwork a breeze compared to the medical update I had to complete last week!

On that note, I am happy to report that I safely lost 8 lbs in four days to pass my medical check-up. In September, our agency hopes to submit our case to the Ministry for Emigration Permission in September. Currently it's taking as long as 10 weeks for EP to be received. Let's hope things move a little quicker in the Ministry. Once EP is issued it will take about a week for our case to go to Court. Currently, it is taking the Courts about a month to review files and issue a court date. That's right folks, you heard me correctly, A COURT DATE! The date is usually 3-4 weeks out in order for us to have time to arrange travel.  We are keeping our fingers crossed that we will get to make our first trip by the end of the year!! In a perfect world I'd like to have Bennett home for Christmas, but I will settle for a first trip by the end of the year ;)

I cannot believe that we have been matched with Bennett for over a year now. It's amazing how quickly time has gone by in terms of watching our little one grow up in photos. However, things have moved so slowly in terms of the wait time. I haven't been motivated to do a lot of decorating in his room. However, we have painted part of his room (we are going with a blue and gray theme) and David put together his crib last weekend. We've had it a for a few months now, but I haven't wanted to put it together. It's convertible so we can use it as a toddler bed, if needed. I am really nervous about sleeping arrangements when Bennett comes home. He is currently co-sleeping with his foster mother and I imagine the transition to a bed by himself will not be easy. I've been thinking of ways to ease this transition such as putting him in bed with us for awhile, put his crib in our bedroom, putting a bed in his room, I am not quite sure. I'm open for any advice or insight. Please feel free to share any tips!

We still have a few necklaces from Compelled Designs for sale. Here's a link to our last blog entry with photos of each necklace. Click on: Compelled Design Fundraiser Post

Hasta luego,
Amanda

UPDATED: Fundraiser, Compelled Designs Round 2

We only have 6 necklaces left from our Compelled Designs fundraiser. These necklaces make great Christmas gifts!

We are hosting the last fundraiser with Compelled Designs.  Each necklace is $24 + $6 s/h. I can ship multiple necklaces together so there's only one shipping fee per order. Let Amanda know if you find anything! As always, we are blessed by your support and love!

For all of my friends, coworkers, and family - an explanation to my recent emotional state!

So, I have been particularly stressed out lately and, let's face it...I'm kind of an emotional wreck! I apologize to my co-workers in advance as I'm sure they have experienced my moodiness in full throttle lately.  We were informed that we needed new medical letters this week. Korea requires that you maintain a certain BMI - Body mass index. When we completed our medical letters in 2011 (that's right folks, we've been in this process for 2 years) I was good to go with BMI and well under. Nevertheless, 2 years later and I've gained a few pounds and now I must lose said pounds in a week in order to make sure my BMI is similar to what it was in 2011. I've got a plan to shed the pounds thanks to the health food store near my office, however, it has made me super grouchy and irritable. I guess this is the kick start to dieting I needed, but the pressure to lose weight is such a short amount of time is overwhelming. Wheewww - I'm glad to get that off my chest!

I was also perusing Facebook this morning and came across a great blog post I had to share. It comes from Wonderment, etc. and the post is titled "dear friends of waiting adoptive moms: some things to know (also, we're sorry). You can read the full post on this blog, but I wanted to share a few points that I couldn't have said better myself. Thank you Wymsel in Adoption for your wisdom!

1. Your friend is not crazy. (She is adopting.)

There is, I will admit, a fine line between those two but still it’s good to remember. The international adoption of a child requires enough paperwork to kill a small forest. And more governmental red tape than you can believe. Imagine your longest, most frustrating trip to the DMV. Now quadruple that, add in twelve more governmental agencies in two countries, and remember it’s not a driver’s license you’re waiting for but the final piece of paper that says this family you’re creating can finally, finally be together. Yeah. Not crazy. But close.

2. She loves a child she’s never met.

It’s possible. So possible. It’s irrational and crazy but it’s reality. Does she love them like she will once she gets to know them? No. But she loves them. She wakes up loving them and goes to sleep loving them. She drives to the grocery story and aches to have them safe and snug in the carseat waiting for them. She pushes her cart around the store and hears a child cry and her heart pounds wondering if her child is crying? Alone? Hungry? She might even have to leave an entire grocery cart full of food in the yogurt aisle to go home and cry because it just is too hard. Way too hard.

3. It’s difficult having your heart on the other side of the world.

To people on the outside they don’t look like our kids, on paper they might not be our kids yet. But in our hearts we love these children like they are and yet we’re not together. We’re moms without children. It’s an ache that doesn’t go away. It starts before we see their faces and only ends when they’re in our arms. So we walk about with half our heart missing. It’s hard to breathe, to think, to speak. Something always feels missing. Because they are.

5. Her child has been through trauma.

If she’s like a lot of moms she won’t be advertising that fact everywhere because she respects her child’s privacy. But children don’t come to the place of needing a second family because they were placed in a cabbage patch by unicorns and leprechauns. Adoption comes from loss. Loss she will see in her child’s eyes and in their heart. Loss that as a mama can make your soul curl up in a ball for an ugly cry. So don’t tell her the kids are lucky. You wouldn’t tell a person who lost an arm that they’re lucky to have a prosthetic one would you? I mean yeah, they are lucky to have that replacement. But you know what would be luckier? Not losing that arm in the first place. So please be understanding. Also, maybe instead of asking for her child’s story outright ask “are you sharing about his history before you?” That gives her a chance to either answer you or bow out graciously.

6. Adoption isn’t pregnancy.

It just isn’t. Well, it is in that at the end of it the hope is to have a new son or daughter in your arms. But I’ve yet to meet a pregnant woman who wonders how old her child will be upon entry into the family. Adoption is different. There is no due date for us. Let that sink in. No due date. And even given preemies and late arrivals with the baby by stork method you have a narrow months-long window of time in which the baby will arrive. That brings us to point number seven.

7. She probably doesn’t know when the child is coming home.

And she has probably been asked this approximately twelve times that day. Because you, her awesome friends, care about her! (And also you secretly worry she’s going a little nuts, see point #1.) And I get it. It’s hard with adoption because you don’t know what to ask. I feel that way with pregnant ladies, like what am I supposed to say? “Your ankles really don’t look that bad do they?” Recently I learned the always safe phrase “you look great – how is baby doing?”, the adoption equivalent is “I know you must miss your kiddos, how is the adoption going?” Or, if you don’t have time to have her break down and cry all over you try the even safer “can I see your latest update pictures?” and then ooh and aww over their cute faces. Even if the pictures are horrible say something positive. I mean I don’t tell people that their sonogram pictures sometimes look like aliens made of bread dough. (Except yours Amy B. Yours is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.)

8. She isn’t sure they’re coming home.

This is the part of the adoption process that makes you want to crawl under your bed and not come out until it’s safe again. This is the part that tears you soul in two. This is the part that you wake up in the morning remembering and going to bed at night fearing. Because there are no guarantees. And that’s hard. No, not hard. It’s gut-wrenching. It’s not just the fear that your child might die before having a family, it’s that this child you love with every ounce of your being might grow up in an orphanage, on the streets, or worse.

9. Your friend is kind of stupid.

I know. That’s harsh. But it’s true. You try operating on a daily basis with only half your heart and half your brain, because that’s what it’s like. ‘Cause they other half of you is wrapped up in a tiny person who is half a world and what feels like a lifetime away. Also, because of the time zone difference it means that half of you is awake pretty much all the time.

Thank you to all those who have helped me and put up with me throughout this process. I hope this better explains where I'm coming from!

A

New Photos

We wanted to thank everyone for helping us in our fundraising efforts. Our Compelled Designs fundraiser was a great success. It was such a success that we will be doing a second fundraiser with CD in August.  If you are interested in purchasing a necklace, please let us know. They went quickly last time and we want to make sure that everyone gets a chance to purchase, if interested.

I wanted to share photos of our boy. He is growing quickly as each month passes.  I hope to mail another package to him soon.  My favorite photos are from June. I love these photos. He is looking at a book we read and recorded for him. I love the recordable books from Hallmark. 

On other news, the courts in Korea are on summer recess, which equals more wait time for everyone.  Our agency did request more paperwork from us in anticipation of our file being submitted for immigration. However, I don't see that actually coming to fruition anytime soon.

Hasta luego,

Amanda (and David)

Compelled Designs Fundraiser

The jewelry is finally here and it is beautiful! Here are the photos. Please message me on Facebook or email me know if you'd like to buy anything. I'll update items as they are purchased. We receive 20 items with each order. Once these are sold we will order another set of 20. 

Each items is $24
Shipping is a flat $6 (unlimited items)
50% of all the profits received will go towards bringing Bennett home!

Happy shopping and thank you for your support!

Necklace 4 $24

Necklace 7 $24

Necklace 12 $24

Necklace 14 $24

Necklace 17 $24

Bracelet 18 $24 (the only bracelet)

Necklace 19 $24

Adoption Update & Fundraiser

I apologize that I have not posted in a few months. The process has been sooo slooow and it is depressing to only have a post that says, "no news." Plus, I have just not been motivated to write.

Today's update brings some news we thought we'd share. The process is moving forward and families are traveling, but not at the rate anyone would like. Currently, our agency's cases are being process from March 2, 2012 (keep in mind we are August 2012). The new process is moving, but very slowly. Cases are getting scrutinized closely so there are not any errors or problems by the time your cases reaches the Courts. Sometimes there are additional questions and documents requested of the adopting families. The birthmother is also contacted  twice before the adoption is finalized.  The first time the Ministry contacts the birthmother because the new law requires that all birthmothers wait 7 days after the birth of their child before relinquishing their child for an adoption plan........for the children currently matched with international families, this "seven-day rule" was not in effect and not applied to these cases.  For this reason, all the birthmothers are being contacted.  Once the Court receives our case the birthmother will be contacted again. All of this communication takes time with certified letters being sent out and we have to wait if the birthmother cannot be intermediately found.  The Court allows for multiple opportunities to connect with the birthmother. All of this just adds more time onto our process. I understand why they want to reconnect with the birthmothers, but I wish that the process was more efficient and effective.

So, that's where we stand for now. Just waiting for our number to be called and for our case to start the final process that will allow us to make our first trip. The first trip we meet and speak with a judge. Our agency has given us a list of all sorts of questions the judge may ask; many of which can be found in our home study. It stinks we have to make a trip just for a 15 minute court interview. The second trip has been taking 4.5 weeks or longer to happen for families. Families who have been staying in Korea after their court interview have been bringing their kids home faster than families who are going home. However, I don't see that happening for us. A month spent in Korea is less time we get with Bennett once he is home.

I guess we need to look at the added time to our adoption as a blessing. It has allowed us to get things accomplished around the house (painting, repairs, etc.). It has also allowed a little more time to get money saved. However, it seems like as soon as we save a little, more money is required of our adoption.

We are blessed to be hosting a fundraiser through Compelled Designs. We are selling beautiful, handcrafted necklaces (similar to what you see below). Necklaces are $24 each. For those of you who do not live near us, we can ship necklaces to you for a flat $6.00 (regardless of how many necklaces you order). Please share this with your friends. We will receive 50% of all sales.  You can pay via PayPal. If you have questions, please email me sunhwa02@gmail.com. I will post pictures on Facebook of all the necklaces we have received to sell. If you aren't friends with me, feel free to email me and I can send you photos.

Look at how much Bennett has grown over the last year!

Adoption Thoughts: Birthmothers

There’s not been a lot of news to share for our adoption process, which is why I haven’t been posting. For once in my life I haven’t had much to say ;) (Shocker, huh?!)

Tonight our adoption agency provided a webinar session for all the families who are currently in process of adopting from Korea. Although there wasn’t a lot of solid information to share, it was informative none the less. We did receive some news, but again nothing solid so it really leaves us back where we started with……no news! 

So why am I typing a no news update? I feel compelled to discuss a key part of any adoption process, the birthmother.  I was shocked an awed by my fellow adopting parents who were on this webinar tonight. It saddens me how quickly adoptive parents forget the one person who allowed them to adopt their child in the first place. The person who is at the forefront of any child's adoption story, the birthmother.

As some of you have read, our process has slowed down due to a new adoption law that was implemented towards the end of 2012. This law has allowed for an additional step of transparency for the women that so selflessly relinquish their child to be adopted by another.  This law requires a “re-relinquishment” step to allow for birthmothers to decide if they would like to take their child back or move forward with the second relinquishment. When my agency was describing this to families tonight (which has been described and defined over and over again) it amazed me to hear that families are angry (with the birthmother) that their child might be taken away.  It’s the sense of entitlement that astonishes me like they are entitled to this child.  Don’t get me wrong, if Bennett’s mother chose to take him back towards the end of the process I would be heartbroken to lose him, but at the same time I would be at peace knowing that his birthmother is able to provide and take care of him.  Will it be hard to start the process over again? Yes it would be, but I cannot argue with his birthmother. It’s not a decision that is taken lightly by Korea as social workers work with the birthmother to reevaluate the situation before officially moving forward.  Not to mention it is rare for a birthmother to take a child back so late in the process.  However, some of the questions families asked were so insensitive. “Doesn’t she know the child has a family waiting for them?” “Why would a birthmother take her child back?” It just saddens me that we so easily can forget the sacrifice that birthmothers make.  A sacrifice that resulted in me being blessed with a child.

In my family, we will honor and respect our birthmother and remember her sacrifice. After all, she will give my family the greatest gift and blessing we could ever ask for, a child.

The "No Good News" Update (Be forewarned this is a long one)

I have been putting off writing a blog update for a few weeks now. At first it was because there really wasn't much to say, but now there is A LOT to share. I'll begin with adoption updates, but I also need to share some family news as well.

On the adoption front, we are starting to lose hope and are worried we may not get to travel this year, as initially anticipated.  As I previously have mentioned, the Korean government implemented a new law that requires a Court Review by a Family Court Judge who gives the final adoption approval. The approval is needed in order for families to travel.  To put things into perspective, the Family Court judges have minimal experience with adoption.  They started reviewing domestic adoption cases in Korea last year and this current review of international adoption cases is a first for them.  They are in the process of learning what the many documents and procedures are and determining a method by which to most reliably review each case.  Obviously, we expected there to be a learning curve and with any new law, it takes time for things to get moving.   

To date, our agency had three cases submitted at the beginning of January to the Family Courts for the Court Review step.  Additional documents have been requested (which were easy to obtain from families' files) and we had hoped that a two months later things would be moving forward. However, we were notified last week that the judges have requested that each adopting family appear before the Courts for an interview.  Our agency's cases have been assigned court dates for April. The Courts have not given a reason as to why the sudden change of heart nor have they provided any information about what this interview will entail, including a time frame, do both parents need to be there, etc.

Obviously, we are heart broken that this means more time away from Bennett. With 2012 travel groups still waiting to travel, we wonder if Korea will ever start the 2013 travel quota. To clarify, families travel by the date they accepted their referral. Korea also limits the number of children that are allowed to leave the country via adoption each year.  Right now families who were matched in October 5-Dec. 30, 2011 are waiting to travel.  These families would finish up the 2012 quota and allow Korea to start the 2013 quota.  We accepted our referral in August 2012. Please pray that the Family Courts resolve this travel issue quickly and that things get moving for families who are anxiously waiting to bring their children home. 

To provide some additional insight about the request from the Family Courts regarding this interview, I defer to Steve Morrison, the founder of MPAK (Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea). I've heard Mr. Morrison speak and he is a wonderful person with a huge heart for adoption.  He was one of the first children adopted from Korea to the U.S. From the MPAK blog (www.mpakusa.blogspot.com): "It has to do with the travel requirements, which will strain and burden many adoptive families, especially those with children in their care already.  The travel is necessary for the parents to go over to pick up their children and finalize adoption in Korea before the judges of the Family Court.  They (the agencies) are predicting that adoptive parents can expect to wait 3 – 4 weeks in Korea while adoption is being finalized.  

The great bulk of this waiting is due to the reconsideration period requirement of 14 days.  During this time the parents are expected to be in Korea, at least that is the latest policy, but the agencies will be meeting with the judges and lawyers to discuss the impact that this regulation would have upon the visiting parents in terms of their time and expenses, not to mention the impacts upon the other children in the families.

Once the adoptive parents stand before a judge to interview through a process of questions and answers, and if the judge finds the parents acceptable based on all the paper works submitted and reviewed, then the judge declares adoption to go forward and the 14-day waiting period begins.  This waiting period is designed to give chance to birthmothers to take back their children should they change their minds.

Birthmothers will not be present during the time when the adoptive parents stand before the judge. However, a separate inquiry will be made by the court beforehand to confirm birthmothers’ intention of giving up their children.  Even if a birthmother confirms her intention to give up the baby, the judge will issue the 14-day waiting period when the prospective adoptive parents stand before a judge.  After the 14-day reconsideration period is over, then the judge finalizes adoption and grants the parents to take the child home. 

So the intercountry adoption picture gets uglier due to the Special Adoption Law, which seems to focus on giving the birthmothers as much chance as possible for them to raise their own children.  Nobody can deny the well-intentioned purpose of the law, but the reality just does not support it.  What concerns me is that some of these birthmothers may decide on a moment to raise their children, but once the reality and hardship strikes them on their everyday lives, they may give up their babies later.  There have been many in the past where the birthmothers gave up their children as they realized that raising children requires a lot of commitment and sacrifice that they were not prepared for. 

It is entirely possible that during the 14-day waiting period some birthmothers may decide to take back their babies (just got an email today from a woman where this has just recently happened to her).  Some may last longer than 14 days, but some will give up before the 14-day period is over.  In this case the patience of the waiting parents may be rewarded. 

I appreciate Steve's post as it explains the purpose of the Special Adoption Law and a little more detail about what might happen if and when we travel. It is terrifying to think that we might make this trip, only to go home without Bennett. I believe in transparency and want to make sure that Bennett's birthmother has truly made the best decision for herself. However, by the time we travel, she will have had almost two years or more to change her mind. Yes, she could still change her mind after two years, but is it realistic? Are the Family Courts being realistic? 

Truly I know it is out of my hands and in God's, but I hope more than anything that Bennett is home before his second birthday. It's hard to see him grow in photos (even the bad photos of the big, white fluffy jacket). I share our most recent photos, which no longer have the white jacket, but instead a fluffy pink one! I know that they have limited means in terms of clothing and that it is really cold in Korea, but the pink jacket makes me laugh! 

In other family news, my grandmother has had a recent fall (one, that she does not remember) and was in a rehabilitation facility recooperating. She had to have stitches on her head and the fall also caused her brain to bleed.  She was admitted to the hospital last night because she was having trouble breathing. She has blood clots in her lungs.  Because her brain has not stopped bleeding, the doctors are concerned about what medication to give her to break up the clots. She was given an anti-coagulant today and hopefully that will clear things up. If not, we've been told that this will most likely lead to death.  My grandmother has said for years that she's ready to die and to go be with God. However, with any loss, it's hard for my family to accept.  Right now they are keeping her calm and comfortable in the hospital. Only time will tell about her fate.

I had already scheduled a visit to Indiana for March and I hope I get to see my grandmother before things get any worse. Please keep our family in your prayers as we have a lot on our shoulders right now and a heavy load to bear.

Amanda

Bennett's First Birthday!

Today is Bennett's first birthday! It's hard for our son to be reaching this milestone without us by his side, but we are blessed knowing that he has a wonderful foster family to love and celebrate this first birthday with him.

On a personal note, I am torn on how I feel today. I knew when we started this process that our son/daughter would have a birthday without us, but now that it's here, I'm an emotional wreck! That's the best way I could think to describe it. I'm not sad or upset; it's almost bittersweet. I'm overjoyed for his birthday and I know it will be special for him, but I wish I could be there to celebrate with him.

I feel like I've done really well with my "emotions" up until now. The thing that bothers me the most is that a birthday is a reminder that my child is growing up without me. And I don't know how old he will be when we finally bring him home. In the end, I know the wait will be worth it and that he will come home at the age God intended him to, but in the meantime days like today are harder than most. I want more than anything to hold him and hug him on his first birthday. However, I will have to settle for sending my love from afar.

I leave you with this, as I know his birth mother will also be thinking about him today and wondering who will love her son when she's not there. I am grateful for her sacrifice and the bond we will forever share.

The Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives, shaped to make Your one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up ... that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me, through your fears,
the age old question unanswered throughout the years.
Heredity or environment .. Which are you the product of..
Neither, my darling .. neither..
just two different kinds of love.

~ Author Unknown ~