New pictures of baby Bennett

We got a few new pictures of Bennett this morning!!! They couldn’t have come at a better time. I had started to blog about how I was a little blue that we hadn’t received any updates and all of the sudden there they were in my inbox.  He is doing really well and has some crazy hair.  He also must be a drooler, which is why he has a bandana looking towel tied around his neck.  As one of my co-workers pointed out this bandana will help him fit right in in Texas!!!   I’ve shared one photo on our blog and ask that you do not repost this photo as it is personal to our family. Please feel free to share our blog, but ask that you do not recopy the photo.

We participated in a Webinar this week that was presented by our adoption agency. It was very informative about Korean culture and what to expect when we travel and return home.  It was interesting to learn about the Korean Social Welfare Society, which is the agency that oversees all the children who are currently being placed for adoption.  Each caseworker has a pretty large caseload of 60-80 children.  They also don’t have the same means of communication that many businesses have in the US. They do not have direct phone lines or work email addresses; everything goes through a supervisor before it is corresponded to US agencies.  As you can imagine, communication is very slow and difficult.

We learned a lot about the foster mothers who care for our children while we wait to bring them home. Many are older, who have grown children. Some may have school aged children in the home. I know our foster mother has two children and I believe they are still in school.  The children don’t really have a routine or discipline with their foster mothers as their needs are almost always met immediately and foster mothers try very hard to anticipate the needs of their children.  They don’t like to want the children cry so they try very hard to give them what they want.  They also typically co-sleep with the children or have them sleep on their back in a sling during the day/early evening hours.  These things have us somewhat concerned as we transition, especially the transition period of our pick-up trip, as we will have to slowly work on adding small bits of routine and structure into his life.

We also discussed other issues that previous adoptive parents have encountered from sleep to food, but the one that has me most concerned is the attachment/bonding piece.  Obviously this is so important as our child will essentially be losing one family and grieving this loss, while in turn learning to adapt to a new family.  I want to make this transition as smooth as possible, but it’s hard to predict how he will handle everything.  He may be resilient and do fine, but I want to be prepared for the rockier roads as they seem more realistic. 

During the Webinar they discussed not having family come visit within the first few months of returning home as this confuses the child.  So, as much as some of you may want to help and visit, we won’t be having visitors during the first few months that Bennett’s home.  We want to make sure he knows who his parents are and that we are the ones who will meet his needs.  Visitors will be very confusing to him with so many people entering and leaving his life just as his foster family did.  We hope everyone understands this and respects our wishes.  We also won’t be having people hold him when they visit as again, we are reinforcing attachment and bonding, which is so important during the first year of his life.  We’re also worried about him rejecting one of us. This often happens as the child grieves and transitions.  Neither one of us wants to be this parent, but it helps to know that it might happen.  It still will hurt, but we know he’ll come around.  

On other news, we appreciate everyone who has been ordering things for our Thirty-One fundraiser. Finances have been a wreck for us since we moved. We had the majority of our adoption fees saved prior to the move, but having to pay closing costs on our Indiana home and then having to put money down on the Texas house, plus the move itself has really wiped out our savings.  I am looking for a second job as Thirty-One has not been as profitable since we moved.  I’m always happy to ship things to my friends out of state and I am working on trying to add consultants to my team, but in the mean time I have to find something else to help get our finances on track. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue in our adoption journey.

Amanda (and David too)