New Photos

We wanted to thank everyone for helping us in our fundraising efforts. Our Compelled Designs fundraiser was a great success. It was such a success that we will be doing a second fundraiser with CD in August.  If you are interested in purchasing a necklace, please let us know. They went quickly last time and we want to make sure that everyone gets a chance to purchase, if interested.

I wanted to share photos of our boy. He is growing quickly as each month passes.  I hope to mail another package to him soon.  My favorite photos are from June. I love these photos. He is looking at a book we read and recorded for him. I love the recordable books from Hallmark. 

On other news, the courts in Korea are on summer recess, which equals more wait time for everyone.  Our agency did request more paperwork from us in anticipation of our file being submitted for immigration. However, I don't see that actually coming to fruition anytime soon.

Hasta luego,

Amanda (and David)

Compelled Designs Fundraiser

The jewelry is finally here and it is beautiful! Here are the photos. Please message me on Facebook or email me know if you'd like to buy anything. I'll update items as they are purchased. We receive 20 items with each order. Once these are sold we will order another set of 20. 

Each items is $24
Shipping is a flat $6 (unlimited items)
50% of all the profits received will go towards bringing Bennett home!

Happy shopping and thank you for your support!

Necklace 4 $24

Necklace 7 $24

Necklace 12 $24

Necklace 14 $24

Necklace 17 $24

Bracelet 18 $24 (the only bracelet)

Necklace 19 $24

Adoption Update & Fundraiser

I apologize that I have not posted in a few months. The process has been sooo slooow and it is depressing to only have a post that says, "no news." Plus, I have just not been motivated to write.

Today's update brings some news we thought we'd share. The process is moving forward and families are traveling, but not at the rate anyone would like. Currently, our agency's cases are being process from March 2, 2012 (keep in mind we are August 2012). The new process is moving, but very slowly. Cases are getting scrutinized closely so there are not any errors or problems by the time your cases reaches the Courts. Sometimes there are additional questions and documents requested of the adopting families. The birthmother is also contacted  twice before the adoption is finalized.  The first time the Ministry contacts the birthmother because the new law requires that all birthmothers wait 7 days after the birth of their child before relinquishing their child for an adoption plan........for the children currently matched with international families, this "seven-day rule" was not in effect and not applied to these cases.  For this reason, all the birthmothers are being contacted.  Once the Court receives our case the birthmother will be contacted again. All of this communication takes time with certified letters being sent out and we have to wait if the birthmother cannot be intermediately found.  The Court allows for multiple opportunities to connect with the birthmother. All of this just adds more time onto our process. I understand why they want to reconnect with the birthmothers, but I wish that the process was more efficient and effective.

So, that's where we stand for now. Just waiting for our number to be called and for our case to start the final process that will allow us to make our first trip. The first trip we meet and speak with a judge. Our agency has given us a list of all sorts of questions the judge may ask; many of which can be found in our home study. It stinks we have to make a trip just for a 15 minute court interview. The second trip has been taking 4.5 weeks or longer to happen for families. Families who have been staying in Korea after their court interview have been bringing their kids home faster than families who are going home. However, I don't see that happening for us. A month spent in Korea is less time we get with Bennett once he is home.

I guess we need to look at the added time to our adoption as a blessing. It has allowed us to get things accomplished around the house (painting, repairs, etc.). It has also allowed a little more time to get money saved. However, it seems like as soon as we save a little, more money is required of our adoption.

We are blessed to be hosting a fundraiser through Compelled Designs. We are selling beautiful, handcrafted necklaces (similar to what you see below). Necklaces are $24 each. For those of you who do not live near us, we can ship necklaces to you for a flat $6.00 (regardless of how many necklaces you order). Please share this with your friends. We will receive 50% of all sales.  You can pay via PayPal. If you have questions, please email me sunhwa02@gmail.com. I will post pictures on Facebook of all the necklaces we have received to sell. If you aren't friends with me, feel free to email me and I can send you photos.

Look at how much Bennett has grown over the last year!

Adoption Thoughts: Birthmothers

There’s not been a lot of news to share for our adoption process, which is why I haven’t been posting. For once in my life I haven’t had much to say ;) (Shocker, huh?!)

Tonight our adoption agency provided a webinar session for all the families who are currently in process of adopting from Korea. Although there wasn’t a lot of solid information to share, it was informative none the less. We did receive some news, but again nothing solid so it really leaves us back where we started with……no news! 

So why am I typing a no news update? I feel compelled to discuss a key part of any adoption process, the birthmother.  I was shocked an awed by my fellow adopting parents who were on this webinar tonight. It saddens me how quickly adoptive parents forget the one person who allowed them to adopt their child in the first place. The person who is at the forefront of any child's adoption story, the birthmother.

As some of you have read, our process has slowed down due to a new adoption law that was implemented towards the end of 2012. This law has allowed for an additional step of transparency for the women that so selflessly relinquish their child to be adopted by another.  This law requires a “re-relinquishment” step to allow for birthmothers to decide if they would like to take their child back or move forward with the second relinquishment. When my agency was describing this to families tonight (which has been described and defined over and over again) it amazed me to hear that families are angry (with the birthmother) that their child might be taken away.  It’s the sense of entitlement that astonishes me like they are entitled to this child.  Don’t get me wrong, if Bennett’s mother chose to take him back towards the end of the process I would be heartbroken to lose him, but at the same time I would be at peace knowing that his birthmother is able to provide and take care of him.  Will it be hard to start the process over again? Yes it would be, but I cannot argue with his birthmother. It’s not a decision that is taken lightly by Korea as social workers work with the birthmother to reevaluate the situation before officially moving forward.  Not to mention it is rare for a birthmother to take a child back so late in the process.  However, some of the questions families asked were so insensitive. “Doesn’t she know the child has a family waiting for them?” “Why would a birthmother take her child back?” It just saddens me that we so easily can forget the sacrifice that birthmothers make.  A sacrifice that resulted in me being blessed with a child.

In my family, we will honor and respect our birthmother and remember her sacrifice. After all, she will give my family the greatest gift and blessing we could ever ask for, a child.

The "No Good News" Update (Be forewarned this is a long one)

I have been putting off writing a blog update for a few weeks now. At first it was because there really wasn't much to say, but now there is A LOT to share. I'll begin with adoption updates, but I also need to share some family news as well.

On the adoption front, we are starting to lose hope and are worried we may not get to travel this year, as initially anticipated.  As I previously have mentioned, the Korean government implemented a new law that requires a Court Review by a Family Court Judge who gives the final adoption approval. The approval is needed in order for families to travel.  To put things into perspective, the Family Court judges have minimal experience with adoption.  They started reviewing domestic adoption cases in Korea last year and this current review of international adoption cases is a first for them.  They are in the process of learning what the many documents and procedures are and determining a method by which to most reliably review each case.  Obviously, we expected there to be a learning curve and with any new law, it takes time for things to get moving.   

To date, our agency had three cases submitted at the beginning of January to the Family Courts for the Court Review step.  Additional documents have been requested (which were easy to obtain from families' files) and we had hoped that a two months later things would be moving forward. However, we were notified last week that the judges have requested that each adopting family appear before the Courts for an interview.  Our agency's cases have been assigned court dates for April. The Courts have not given a reason as to why the sudden change of heart nor have they provided any information about what this interview will entail, including a time frame, do both parents need to be there, etc.

Obviously, we are heart broken that this means more time away from Bennett. With 2012 travel groups still waiting to travel, we wonder if Korea will ever start the 2013 travel quota. To clarify, families travel by the date they accepted their referral. Korea also limits the number of children that are allowed to leave the country via adoption each year.  Right now families who were matched in October 5-Dec. 30, 2011 are waiting to travel.  These families would finish up the 2012 quota and allow Korea to start the 2013 quota.  We accepted our referral in August 2012. Please pray that the Family Courts resolve this travel issue quickly and that things get moving for families who are anxiously waiting to bring their children home. 

To provide some additional insight about the request from the Family Courts regarding this interview, I defer to Steve Morrison, the founder of MPAK (Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea). I've heard Mr. Morrison speak and he is a wonderful person with a huge heart for adoption.  He was one of the first children adopted from Korea to the U.S. From the MPAK blog (www.mpakusa.blogspot.com): "It has to do with the travel requirements, which will strain and burden many adoptive families, especially those with children in their care already.  The travel is necessary for the parents to go over to pick up their children and finalize adoption in Korea before the judges of the Family Court.  They (the agencies) are predicting that adoptive parents can expect to wait 3 – 4 weeks in Korea while adoption is being finalized.  

The great bulk of this waiting is due to the reconsideration period requirement of 14 days.  During this time the parents are expected to be in Korea, at least that is the latest policy, but the agencies will be meeting with the judges and lawyers to discuss the impact that this regulation would have upon the visiting parents in terms of their time and expenses, not to mention the impacts upon the other children in the families.

Once the adoptive parents stand before a judge to interview through a process of questions and answers, and if the judge finds the parents acceptable based on all the paper works submitted and reviewed, then the judge declares adoption to go forward and the 14-day waiting period begins.  This waiting period is designed to give chance to birthmothers to take back their children should they change their minds.

Birthmothers will not be present during the time when the adoptive parents stand before the judge. However, a separate inquiry will be made by the court beforehand to confirm birthmothers’ intention of giving up their children.  Even if a birthmother confirms her intention to give up the baby, the judge will issue the 14-day waiting period when the prospective adoptive parents stand before a judge.  After the 14-day reconsideration period is over, then the judge finalizes adoption and grants the parents to take the child home. 

So the intercountry adoption picture gets uglier due to the Special Adoption Law, which seems to focus on giving the birthmothers as much chance as possible for them to raise their own children.  Nobody can deny the well-intentioned purpose of the law, but the reality just does not support it.  What concerns me is that some of these birthmothers may decide on a moment to raise their children, but once the reality and hardship strikes them on their everyday lives, they may give up their babies later.  There have been many in the past where the birthmothers gave up their children as they realized that raising children requires a lot of commitment and sacrifice that they were not prepared for. 

It is entirely possible that during the 14-day waiting period some birthmothers may decide to take back their babies (just got an email today from a woman where this has just recently happened to her).  Some may last longer than 14 days, but some will give up before the 14-day period is over.  In this case the patience of the waiting parents may be rewarded. 

I appreciate Steve's post as it explains the purpose of the Special Adoption Law and a little more detail about what might happen if and when we travel. It is terrifying to think that we might make this trip, only to go home without Bennett. I believe in transparency and want to make sure that Bennett's birthmother has truly made the best decision for herself. However, by the time we travel, she will have had almost two years or more to change her mind. Yes, she could still change her mind after two years, but is it realistic? Are the Family Courts being realistic? 

Truly I know it is out of my hands and in God's, but I hope more than anything that Bennett is home before his second birthday. It's hard to see him grow in photos (even the bad photos of the big, white fluffy jacket). I share our most recent photos, which no longer have the white jacket, but instead a fluffy pink one! I know that they have limited means in terms of clothing and that it is really cold in Korea, but the pink jacket makes me laugh! 

In other family news, my grandmother has had a recent fall (one, that she does not remember) and was in a rehabilitation facility recooperating. She had to have stitches on her head and the fall also caused her brain to bleed.  She was admitted to the hospital last night because she was having trouble breathing. She has blood clots in her lungs.  Because her brain has not stopped bleeding, the doctors are concerned about what medication to give her to break up the clots. She was given an anti-coagulant today and hopefully that will clear things up. If not, we've been told that this will most likely lead to death.  My grandmother has said for years that she's ready to die and to go be with God. However, with any loss, it's hard for my family to accept.  Right now they are keeping her calm and comfortable in the hospital. Only time will tell about her fate.

I had already scheduled a visit to Indiana for March and I hope I get to see my grandmother before things get any worse. Please keep our family in your prayers as we have a lot on our shoulders right now and a heavy load to bear.

Amanda

Bennett's First Birthday!

Today is Bennett's first birthday! It's hard for our son to be reaching this milestone without us by his side, but we are blessed knowing that he has a wonderful foster family to love and celebrate this first birthday with him.

On a personal note, I am torn on how I feel today. I knew when we started this process that our son/daughter would have a birthday without us, but now that it's here, I'm an emotional wreck! That's the best way I could think to describe it. I'm not sad or upset; it's almost bittersweet. I'm overjoyed for his birthday and I know it will be special for him, but I wish I could be there to celebrate with him.

I feel like I've done really well with my "emotions" up until now. The thing that bothers me the most is that a birthday is a reminder that my child is growing up without me. And I don't know how old he will be when we finally bring him home. In the end, I know the wait will be worth it and that he will come home at the age God intended him to, but in the meantime days like today are harder than most. I want more than anything to hold him and hug him on his first birthday. However, I will have to settle for sending my love from afar.

I leave you with this, as I know his birth mother will also be thinking about him today and wondering who will love her son when she's not there. I am grateful for her sacrifice and the bond we will forever share.

The Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives, shaped to make Your one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up ... that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me, through your fears,
the age old question unanswered throughout the years.
Heredity or environment .. Which are you the product of..
Neither, my darling .. neither..
just two different kinds of love.

~ Author Unknown ~

Highlights of 2012

I went to journal a little on New Year's day and reflected on some of the things that happened over this past year. I decided to share some of the highlights (good and bad) of 2012 with you all.

To begin with, I keep track of the many things I am thankful for throughout the year in my journal and I also keep a list of my prayers. It is amazing to look back and see how prayers have been answered and all of the many blessings I have in life (they can so easily be forgotten in the hustle and bustle of life).

Major highlights of the year:
1. Loss of Larry (David's dad) - we miss him so much and there is not a day that goes by that we don't think of him. Cherish every moment you have with those you love! Don't be afraid to talk about mental health issues. They are part of so many people's lives and the stigma surrounding them needs to be overcome.
2. Move from Indiana to Texas - so many mixed emotions with our move. It was exciting to start a new chapter in our lives, but bittersweet to leave those we love.
3. Starting new jobs at UTA (David) and TCU (Amanda). My new position (that I started in December) at TCU is going well.
4. Getting matched with a baby boy and continuing on our adoption journey to Bennett (still haven't chosen a middle name for him ;) Things have been moving slowly on the adoption front. Korea has passed a new law to allow for additional transparency in the adoption process; another checks and balances in the process to ensure children are being safely relinquished and placed. However, with implementation of any new law, things are moving slowly and have caused delays in all areas for the process. Our adoption agency, along with many others, should have had one more group travel to bring home their children in 2012. This did not happen due to the lack of implementation of the new law. With one group facing delayed travel, it pushes all of us back in the waiting to travel queue. We are still hopeful that we will get to travel by the end of 2013. We also got pictures of Bennett the day after Christmas and he was pictured with items from the package we sent him a few months ago. It was great to see he got his gifts.

We hope you all have had a wonderful Holiday and that your new year is full of many wonderful things!

Another step forward....

David and I had our fingerprinting completed with Immigration today. It's a small, but still a step closer in our adoption process.  Basically, the government wants to make sure we are who we say we are! It's crazy to me that they don't use the old fashioned ink and paper to take your fingerprints. It's all electronic!  Once the Adoption Unit at Immigration receives our fingerprints and reviews our home study, hopefully we'll officially be approved by the U.S. government to adopt.

On other good news, I got a new job! I'm so excited! I'll continue to work at Texas Christian University, but will move to the nursing department in a full-time position. My official title is the Coordinator, Nursing Academic Excellence Program. I will work with students who are struggling in their classes, helping them find tutoring and/or other resources they need to be successful.  I'll also be putting together some programming (mainly for study skills) for the department and will get to teach a class as well. Needless to say I'm pretty excited and I already love my new co-workers. I'll miss my other department, but luckily I'll still get to see them! 

This new job has also provided the financial peace we've been praying for! Thank you for those who have helped us fund raise and have donated to our adoption fund. We would not have made it to this point without you!

On another note, please pray for our friends Katrina and Jonny. They are expecting twins (due April 2013) and Katrina had to have emergency surgery yesterday as the babies are suffering from twin-to-twin transfusion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twin-to-twin_transfusion_syndrome). She is at risk of going into early labor and there is always the possibility that she could lose one or both of the babies.  Please keep them in your prayers!

Love, Amanda

A belated post on thankfulness

Well, I’m a little late with this post, but I wanted to take a few minutes to share with you all a few things I am thankful for. So, in no particular order, here they are.

1.       New photos of Bennett.  It’s pretty cold in Korea right now, mostly in the 30’s and 40’s and Bennett is all bundled up in this furry white coat. You can tell he’s really not happy about having his picture taken (or is it the white jacket?!).

2.       I am thankful for my new seasonal job at Kirkland’s. It’s a lot of fun, exhausting, but fun! It’s only 5 minutes from our house and the people I work with are great!  My job at TCU ends for a few months in December/January when the students are on winter break so I’m happy to have something to do during my time off.

3.       My husband, David – When you move to a completely new place and only have each other to lean on, you’re reminded of how much you rely each other.  It’s sometimes easy to take the relationships we have with others, especially those we see every day, for granted.  This move has been a reminder to me that I am thankful and blessed to have married by best friend and I’m excited to experience each new day with him.

4.       A visit with my mom. Even though my mom is scared of flying she made the flight from Evansville to Dallas.  She forgot her luggage (which we will never let her live down), but luckily there are plenty of places to go shopping (I guess she thought Dad had put it in the car and he thought she had packed the luggage and when they arrived at the airport….there was no luggage). We had a good visit, even though I had to work a lot. We went to the Chinese Lantern Festival at State Fair Park in Dallas (see pics on Facebook) and did bit of sightseeing.  It was great to see her and show her around our new home.

5.       Friends and family – when you move you make new friends, which I am thankful for, but you also find out who your real friends are.  It’s difficult to keep in touch with friends who aren’t willing to do the same. I am thankful for those who have kept in touch and hope that our friendships continue. I hope to see them soon!

6.       New job prospects – I have an interview for a full time job tomorrow at TCU.  I’m always thankful to get the opportunity to interview. The way I look at it is that it’s a win-win situation. If I get the job, great and if I don’t, I get to continue to work at TCU with some great people.

7.       Last, but not least, Frank and Beans. I’ve always loved my pets, but these two have been such a great comic relief in my life, especially when things get stressful. They remind me to slow down and take time to throw a tennis ball or go on an extra-long walk.  I love how excited they get when I come home and how much love they have to share with whomever they meet.