Our Last 2 Days in Korea

Our second visit with Bennett was wonderful. He is such a happy healthy little boy. Our social worker and foster mother were thrilled at how easily Bennett got along with us. The SW said he usually cries when he visits the agency so they were both so happy that he has been all smiles during our visits. This would explain why he is crying in at least one picture we received every month for the past six months :)

He is very independent and is used to playing alone. However, he allowed us to be part of his world during each visit; very easy going. His laugh just made my day and he giggled every time he went down the slide. He even let David wrestle with him a little bit. It was cute to see the two having fun. The foster mother brought us several gifts during this second visit. We had been sending disposable cameras throughout this process and she developed all the photos and made an album for us. It was really sweet.

We didn't get a lot of our questions answered about Bennett's daily routine, but we did find out he doesn't like to have his hair messed with. He doesn't like to have it washed and cries when they try to cut it. Tears or no tears, we will be cutting his hair! The barrette is a little too much. Maybe we'll be able to pull it all up in a ponytail when we head back to SK ;) He doesn't watch a lot of TV or cartoons. He prefers commercials. Also, when asked what he likes to do (if not watching TV;) he likes to make a mess!! I'm not sure those translations were correct so our agency is going to email a list of questions for us in Korean,which I am very thankful for.

To be honest, Bennett really just fit with our family.  I know that sounds cliche, but I'm not quite sure how else to explain it. He is our son for sure and his personality just falls right in line with ours. It is such a great feeling to know that you were always meant to be. I can't believe that this journey has almost come to fruition. It's been a long time in the making (for those keeping track we submitted our application in September 2011).

Our court hearing came and went quickly. It was a short 5 minutes with a very easy going judge.  We had heard that some of the judges weren't very friendly.  Our judge is a new judge for adoptions and seemed to really enjoy working with the adoptive families. He said this was a happy part of his job (compared to other cases he hears). We were nervous walking into the courtroom, but it was all over very quickly. We primarily answered "yes" or "no" to questions based on information from our home study. We answered "yes" or "no" in Korean (because that's about as far as much as I have learned ;). The one question that really caught me off guard was about infertility; are we planning to have children of our own considering we do not suffer from infertility issues? The short answer is "yes" we would love to have bio children, but seeing that it was being asked in context to our adoption, I almost felt like it was a trick question. It is often assumed that we have infertility issues, but this adoption has always been plan A for us! We didn't know how to answer this question and also knowing the the translations were limited so we answered along the lines of "we'll see." Let's get this kiddo home before we start making other plans.

To celebrate our completed court hearings, our new group of friends went to a new pizza place in Insadong called Brew 3.14. The food was great and a perfect way to spend our final night in Seoul. This trip would have not been the same without our new friends. We are so thankful for them and hope to keep in touch! It's so great to go through this experience with others. We ended the night with an "underground" food tour part two with our tour guide Daniel (from the food tour in Day 2). He owns the pizza place and took us around to get some of our favorite foods from the tour to end our celebration. It was a great night!

We our home now and still recovering from jet lag. I got really sick on the flight back. I blame Korean TSA (just kidding). They would not let me take any extra water on the flight. I was so dehydrated. You go through the typical security check, but right before you board you go through a second security check where they throw away all liquids. Wish I had known this before I spent money only to have it thrown away!

We have yet to receive our court approval as we are now waiting the 14 day final relinquishment period. The birth mother has this final waiting time to relinquish her guardianship or take it back. We'll keep everyone updated. When we left our agency our social worker said she'll see us in month. Here's to traveling in March

Amanda

Here are some photos from our trip. I'll post photos of Bennett once we have our court approval!
This is Seoul Tower (a long steep walk up a really big hill). The view was amazing!

These photos are from one of the palaces. I loved the detail in the designs.

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!

I cannot even begin to explain how in shock I am................reality still has not set in........

Our court date is scheduled for January 28th. I don't have all the details of our first trip yet, but I'll post more once I've been able to stop hyperventilating. 

The first thought that came to my mind was the panic of, "I'm not ready to be a mom." We've waited so long that this is all so surreal. Needless to say we are looking at flights and getting a hotel booked. Please keep us in your thoughts as we get ready for this final leg in our adoption journey!

Love, Amanda (and David)

PS: We're raising money for our final trips with Ground to Cup Coffee. Please consider shopping with this great business. Their coffee is wonderful. You can shop the Duvall Fundraiser page at: http://www.groundtocupcoffee.com/online-store/merchant.mvc?Store_Code=COFFEE&Screen=PLST&Affiliate=duvall3318

You can also make donations via PayPal through our blog!

Adoption Update - No travel for us this year

So far we have been waiting 7 weeks for EP to be issued.  Right now it's been taking up to 12 weeks for EP to be issued due to staffing changes in the Ministry. Apparently, entire departments have been restaffed and changed (of course this would have to happen during our process). So that means there is not a chance for us to travel this year. Once EP is issued it will take another 4-5 weeks (or longer) for the Courts to review our case. It would be great if we could travel and be with Bennett on his second birthday (Jan. 14), but that's not looking likely either. Needless to say, I'm a little bitter.  Whatever happened to us traveling in August of 2013!

Today has been rather heartbreaking for me.  It's Orphan Sunday and I'm still without my child.  The wait gets to me some days more than others, but lately it really has me down.  I have no motivation to work on his room and honestly, it feels like this process is never going to happen. That's how I feel today. When we were first matched with Bennett in August 2012, I was so excited to be a mom. Now, we've waited for so long, I feel like it's never going to happen. Our adoption bill keeps going up, but we are no closer to bringing home Bennett.

On other news, our home study update is done. Let's hope that it's the last update we have to do. 

I promise that the next update will be more peppy!

Love, Amanda

Exciting News!

We've had some exciting news, which turned out to be the perfect gift on our 5th anniversary (Friday 13th). We are one step closer to Court. Currently, our case has been submitted to the Ministry for Emigration Permission. This process takes anywhere from 3-8 weeks.  Some cases have been taking 10+ weeks so we hope ours will stay under 8 weeks.  It's so exciting to see some movement. To date, our agency has had 5 families travel and are home with their little ones. It's great to know that things are moving slowly, but surely.
We're still waiting to receive our FBI clearances. We sent them in 3 weeks ago. It takes 4-6 weeks to receive the clearances so hopefully they'll get here soon. We also have been asked to update our home study. We updated it when we moved to TX last year and hoped we wouldn't have to update anything until our CIS paperwork expired. However, judges in Korea have been wanting home studies to have been completed in the last year. Our last home study was completed at the end of October 2012. We're cutting it close so our agency has asked us to update "just in case." I'm glad that we're covered in case, but it's more money and a home study does not come cheap.

We also found out that we won't be getting updated photos this month, which is sad. There are a lot of holidays in Korea this month so social worker's are not taking photos like they usually do. At least I think that's why they're not taking them. Either way, I know we won't be getting anything new. :( However, I don't think I ever shared last month's photos. So I thought I'd share one now. He looks so grown up in this photo!

Until next time,
Amanda and David

Finally we have movement...

I am so excited to work on adoption paperwork. I never thought I'd actually say that, but the truth is, it's been nice to have something to do. We've been so stagnant in this process over the past 6 months that it is nice to be able to do something, even if is more paperwork. We currently are working on FBI clearances. The State of Texas doesn't require them for our home study process, as many states do. The Korean courts don't understand that each state does things differently in the US. Some families are required by their state to pass an FBI clearance as part of their home study. In TX they are simply happy with a state level criminal check. In order to prevent delays for our case in the future, our agency has requested we go ahead and complete a check in case the Korean Courts ask for it.

I have to say I've been really impressed with our adoption coordinator. Many of you have heard me complain about my various coordinators along the way, but our newest coordinator has been so sweet. She always answers my questions right away and she even called our social worker in TX to find out how we go about completing this new criminal check. She emailed us detailed instructions and did all of the research for us. I cannot tell you how much of blessing it is to have someone research some of the paperwork for you. She has made updating paperwork a breeze compared to the medical update I had to complete last week!

On that note, I am happy to report that I safely lost 8 lbs in four days to pass my medical check-up. In September, our agency hopes to submit our case to the Ministry for Emigration Permission in September. Currently it's taking as long as 10 weeks for EP to be received. Let's hope things move a little quicker in the Ministry. Once EP is issued it will take about a week for our case to go to Court. Currently, it is taking the Courts about a month to review files and issue a court date. That's right folks, you heard me correctly, A COURT DATE! The date is usually 3-4 weeks out in order for us to have time to arrange travel.  We are keeping our fingers crossed that we will get to make our first trip by the end of the year!! In a perfect world I'd like to have Bennett home for Christmas, but I will settle for a first trip by the end of the year ;)

I cannot believe that we have been matched with Bennett for over a year now. It's amazing how quickly time has gone by in terms of watching our little one grow up in photos. However, things have moved so slowly in terms of the wait time. I haven't been motivated to do a lot of decorating in his room. However, we have painted part of his room (we are going with a blue and gray theme) and David put together his crib last weekend. We've had it a for a few months now, but I haven't wanted to put it together. It's convertible so we can use it as a toddler bed, if needed. I am really nervous about sleeping arrangements when Bennett comes home. He is currently co-sleeping with his foster mother and I imagine the transition to a bed by himself will not be easy. I've been thinking of ways to ease this transition such as putting him in bed with us for awhile, put his crib in our bedroom, putting a bed in his room, I am not quite sure. I'm open for any advice or insight. Please feel free to share any tips!

We still have a few necklaces from Compelled Designs for sale. Here's a link to our last blog entry with photos of each necklace. Click on: Compelled Design Fundraiser Post

Hasta luego,
Amanda

Adoption Update & Fundraiser

I apologize that I have not posted in a few months. The process has been sooo slooow and it is depressing to only have a post that says, "no news." Plus, I have just not been motivated to write.

Today's update brings some news we thought we'd share. The process is moving forward and families are traveling, but not at the rate anyone would like. Currently, our agency's cases are being process from March 2, 2012 (keep in mind we are August 2012). The new process is moving, but very slowly. Cases are getting scrutinized closely so there are not any errors or problems by the time your cases reaches the Courts. Sometimes there are additional questions and documents requested of the adopting families. The birthmother is also contacted  twice before the adoption is finalized.  The first time the Ministry contacts the birthmother because the new law requires that all birthmothers wait 7 days after the birth of their child before relinquishing their child for an adoption plan........for the children currently matched with international families, this "seven-day rule" was not in effect and not applied to these cases.  For this reason, all the birthmothers are being contacted.  Once the Court receives our case the birthmother will be contacted again. All of this communication takes time with certified letters being sent out and we have to wait if the birthmother cannot be intermediately found.  The Court allows for multiple opportunities to connect with the birthmother. All of this just adds more time onto our process. I understand why they want to reconnect with the birthmothers, but I wish that the process was more efficient and effective.

So, that's where we stand for now. Just waiting for our number to be called and for our case to start the final process that will allow us to make our first trip. The first trip we meet and speak with a judge. Our agency has given us a list of all sorts of questions the judge may ask; many of which can be found in our home study. It stinks we have to make a trip just for a 15 minute court interview. The second trip has been taking 4.5 weeks or longer to happen for families. Families who have been staying in Korea after their court interview have been bringing their kids home faster than families who are going home. However, I don't see that happening for us. A month spent in Korea is less time we get with Bennett once he is home.

I guess we need to look at the added time to our adoption as a blessing. It has allowed us to get things accomplished around the house (painting, repairs, etc.). It has also allowed a little more time to get money saved. However, it seems like as soon as we save a little, more money is required of our adoption.

We are blessed to be hosting a fundraiser through Compelled Designs. We are selling beautiful, handcrafted necklaces (similar to what you see below). Necklaces are $24 each. For those of you who do not live near us, we can ship necklaces to you for a flat $6.00 (regardless of how many necklaces you order). Please share this with your friends. We will receive 50% of all sales.  You can pay via PayPal. If you have questions, please email me sunhwa02@gmail.com. I will post pictures on Facebook of all the necklaces we have received to sell. If you aren't friends with me, feel free to email me and I can send you photos.

The "No Good News" Update (Be forewarned this is a long one)

I have been putting off writing a blog update for a few weeks now. At first it was because there really wasn't much to say, but now there is A LOT to share. I'll begin with adoption updates, but I also need to share some family news as well.

On the adoption front, we are starting to lose hope and are worried we may not get to travel this year, as initially anticipated.  As I previously have mentioned, the Korean government implemented a new law that requires a Court Review by a Family Court Judge who gives the final adoption approval. The approval is needed in order for families to travel.  To put things into perspective, the Family Court judges have minimal experience with adoption.  They started reviewing domestic adoption cases in Korea last year and this current review of international adoption cases is a first for them.  They are in the process of learning what the many documents and procedures are and determining a method by which to most reliably review each case.  Obviously, we expected there to be a learning curve and with any new law, it takes time for things to get moving.   

To date, our agency had three cases submitted at the beginning of January to the Family Courts for the Court Review step.  Additional documents have been requested (which were easy to obtain from families' files) and we had hoped that a two months later things would be moving forward. However, we were notified last week that the judges have requested that each adopting family appear before the Courts for an interview.  Our agency's cases have been assigned court dates for April. The Courts have not given a reason as to why the sudden change of heart nor have they provided any information about what this interview will entail, including a time frame, do both parents need to be there, etc.

Obviously, we are heart broken that this means more time away from Bennett. With 2012 travel groups still waiting to travel, we wonder if Korea will ever start the 2013 travel quota. To clarify, families travel by the date they accepted their referral. Korea also limits the number of children that are allowed to leave the country via adoption each year.  Right now families who were matched in October 5-Dec. 30, 2011 are waiting to travel.  These families would finish up the 2012 quota and allow Korea to start the 2013 quota.  We accepted our referral in August 2012. Please pray that the Family Courts resolve this travel issue quickly and that things get moving for families who are anxiously waiting to bring their children home. 

To provide some additional insight about the request from the Family Courts regarding this interview, I defer to Steve Morrison, the founder of MPAK (Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea). I've heard Mr. Morrison speak and he is a wonderful person with a huge heart for adoption.  He was one of the first children adopted from Korea to the U.S. From the MPAK blog (www.mpakusa.blogspot.com): "It has to do with the travel requirements, which will strain and burden many adoptive families, especially those with children in their care already.  The travel is necessary for the parents to go over to pick up their children and finalize adoption in Korea before the judges of the Family Court.  They (the agencies) are predicting that adoptive parents can expect to wait 3 – 4 weeks in Korea while adoption is being finalized.  

The great bulk of this waiting is due to the reconsideration period requirement of 14 days.  During this time the parents are expected to be in Korea, at least that is the latest policy, but the agencies will be meeting with the judges and lawyers to discuss the impact that this regulation would have upon the visiting parents in terms of their time and expenses, not to mention the impacts upon the other children in the families.

Once the adoptive parents stand before a judge to interview through a process of questions and answers, and if the judge finds the parents acceptable based on all the paper works submitted and reviewed, then the judge declares adoption to go forward and the 14-day waiting period begins.  This waiting period is designed to give chance to birthmothers to take back their children should they change their minds.

Birthmothers will not be present during the time when the adoptive parents stand before the judge. However, a separate inquiry will be made by the court beforehand to confirm birthmothers’ intention of giving up their children.  Even if a birthmother confirms her intention to give up the baby, the judge will issue the 14-day waiting period when the prospective adoptive parents stand before a judge.  After the 14-day reconsideration period is over, then the judge finalizes adoption and grants the parents to take the child home. 

So the intercountry adoption picture gets uglier due to the Special Adoption Law, which seems to focus on giving the birthmothers as much chance as possible for them to raise their own children.  Nobody can deny the well-intentioned purpose of the law, but the reality just does not support it.  What concerns me is that some of these birthmothers may decide on a moment to raise their children, but once the reality and hardship strikes them on their everyday lives, they may give up their babies later.  There have been many in the past where the birthmothers gave up their children as they realized that raising children requires a lot of commitment and sacrifice that they were not prepared for. 

It is entirely possible that during the 14-day waiting period some birthmothers may decide to take back their babies (just got an email today from a woman where this has just recently happened to her).  Some may last longer than 14 days, but some will give up before the 14-day period is over.  In this case the patience of the waiting parents may be rewarded. 

I appreciate Steve's post as it explains the purpose of the Special Adoption Law and a little more detail about what might happen if and when we travel. It is terrifying to think that we might make this trip, only to go home without Bennett. I believe in transparency and want to make sure that Bennett's birthmother has truly made the best decision for herself. However, by the time we travel, she will have had almost two years or more to change her mind. Yes, she could still change her mind after two years, but is it realistic? Are the Family Courts being realistic? 

Truly I know it is out of my hands and in God's, but I hope more than anything that Bennett is home before his second birthday. It's hard to see him grow in photos (even the bad photos of the big, white fluffy jacket). I share our most recent photos, which no longer have the white jacket, but instead a fluffy pink one! I know that they have limited means in terms of clothing and that it is really cold in Korea, but the pink jacket makes me laugh! 

In other family news, my grandmother has had a recent fall (one, that she does not remember) and was in a rehabilitation facility recooperating. She had to have stitches on her head and the fall also caused her brain to bleed.  She was admitted to the hospital last night because she was having trouble breathing. She has blood clots in her lungs.  Because her brain has not stopped bleeding, the doctors are concerned about what medication to give her to break up the clots. She was given an anti-coagulant today and hopefully that will clear things up. If not, we've been told that this will most likely lead to death.  My grandmother has said for years that she's ready to die and to go be with God. However, with any loss, it's hard for my family to accept.  Right now they are keeping her calm and comfortable in the hospital. Only time will tell about her fate.

I had already scheduled a visit to Indiana for March and I hope I get to see my grandmother before things get any worse. Please keep our family in your prayers as we have a lot on our shoulders right now and a heavy load to bear.

Amanda