On a personal note, I am torn on how I feel today. I knew when we started this process that our son/daughter would have a birthday without us, but now that it's here, I'm an emotional wreck! That's the best way I could think to describe it. I'm not sad or upset; it's almost bittersweet. I'm overjoyed for his birthday and I know it will be special for him, but I wish I could be there to celebrate with him.
I feel like I've done really well with my "emotions" up until now. The thing that bothers me the most is that a birthday is a reminder that my child is growing up without me. And I don't know how old he will be when we finally bring him home. In the end, I know the wait will be worth it and that he will come home at the age God intended him to, but in the meantime days like today are harder than most. I want more than anything to hold him and hug him on his first birthday. However, I will have to settle for sending my love from afar.
I leave you with this, as I know his birth mother will also be thinking about him today and wondering who will love her son when she's not there. I am grateful for her sacrifice and the bond we will forever share.
The Legacy of an Adopted Child
Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives, shaped to make Your one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up ... that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me, through your fears,
the age old question unanswered throughout the years.
Heredity or environment .. Which are you the product of..
Neither, my darling .. neither..
just two different kinds of love.
~ Author Unknown ~
