Feeling homesick in Texas

Well, we have been in Texas for almost three months.  It’s been a good transition, but a slow one.  It’s starting to get to me; the loneliness and disconnectedness.  Now, more than ever, I feel alone and I’m missing my support network of friends and family.  Right now, David and I only have each other and with both of us feeling a little blue, it’s hard to lift each other up. 

Our jobs are okay, although I need another part-time job or a full-time job.  Money has probably been the most difficult in our transition. We did our best to budget and predict expenses when we moved, but a few things caught us off guard.  I think the biggest expense that we did not anticipate were our property taxes.  We pay for these on a monthly basis with our mortgage and homeowner’s insurance.  Our mortgage company holds these in escrow until a payment is due.  The cost of our taxes doubled our mortgage payment and needless to say we did not budget property taxes to be quite so high.  I know you live and you learn, but right now the lesson is hitting us hard.  With baby Bennett on the way, our finances are a wreck.  For those who know me, this is driving me crazy. I’m a planner and an organizer and I hate not having things, especially money, planned out.

I know everything happens for a reason and I’d been feeling comforted in my faith, knowing that this is all part of God’s plan for our lives.  However, I’m struggling with this right now.  We worked so hard to save for this adoption, only to have our entire adoption savings wiped out by this move.  Now, we are back at square one with a baby on the way.  I feel the pressure to save for our next $8,000 fee and the pressure to repay loans for the first international fee of $14,000.  I know I’m supposed to learn something from this experience, but I’m having a hard time accepting it right now. 

I participated in a webinar yesterday about how to have a debt free adoption.  There were a lot of things that were suggested and I really don’t know what to do.  We have applied for two grants. We were denied for one grant and we haven’t heard anything from the other.  Other things that were suggested were setting up an account with a non-profit; people can make donations to the non-profit in your family’s name and will receive a tax deduction for their donation.  The organization would then forward the money to our adoption agency.  The good and bad things are that you do get a tax write off, but it requires people to give, which I know is hard for everyone right now.  There are also grants that are matching, where friends and family donate up to $2,500 and the organization would then match the grant for that amount.  Again, this requires donations.  I’ve also thought about doing an auction online somehow as I have many friends who might donate things for this cause. I’m just not sure how to facilitate this.  I’m sharing all of these things with you in hopes that you will have some feedback or suggestions on what we might do. 

This weekend, we were supposed to have a little vacation. David has a conference in Vegas and I was going to go with him. However, it’s really expensive to board the dogs (we miss our dog sitter in Indiana) and we just don’t see how we can budget it in. I had purchased a ticket several months ago, but luckily the airline is giving us a credit towards a future flight purchase.  I’m sad I don’t get to go!

On another note, I am so thankful for Thirty-One.  I don’t know what I would have done without Thirty-One during my move.  Surprisingly, Texas doesn’t have a lot of consultants and many people here have never heard of the company. I’ve decided to try to take advantage of this and grow my business. I’ve had some great encouragement from my local Thirty-One network and was blessed to meet our founder and CEO, Cindy Monroe last week (I’ve included my picture with her from the Texas State Fair, which doesn’t have anything on Evansville’s Fall Fest). Cindy and her husband Scott spoke with a group of consultants and talked about how God plays a role in their marriage and in their business.  David went with me to this leadership event and we both left feeling encouraged and blessed to have people be so upfront about how important faith is in every aspect of your life. 

The Thirty-One consultants I’ve met in this area have been nothing but helpful and supportive of me during this transition.  Many people may think that they would be standoffish since I’m their competition, but that is not what our company is about. We are all about encouraging women in their business and I’ve truly seen that here in Texas.  I never done a lot with Thirty-One, other than make my minimum sales each month, but for the first time, I see Thirty-One not as an income, but a chance to encourage other women, just as they have done for me.

Thanks for listening/reading.

Amanda

New pictures of baby Bennett

We got a few new pictures of Bennett this morning!!! They couldn’t have come at a better time. I had started to blog about how I was a little blue that we hadn’t received any updates and all of the sudden there they were in my inbox.  He is doing really well and has some crazy hair.  He also must be a drooler, which is why he has a bandana looking towel tied around his neck.  As one of my co-workers pointed out this bandana will help him fit right in in Texas!!!   I’ve shared one photo on our blog and ask that you do not repost this photo as it is personal to our family. Please feel free to share our blog, but ask that you do not recopy the photo.

We participated in a Webinar this week that was presented by our adoption agency. It was very informative about Korean culture and what to expect when we travel and return home.  It was interesting to learn about the Korean Social Welfare Society, which is the agency that oversees all the children who are currently being placed for adoption.  Each caseworker has a pretty large caseload of 60-80 children.  They also don’t have the same means of communication that many businesses have in the US. They do not have direct phone lines or work email addresses; everything goes through a supervisor before it is corresponded to US agencies.  As you can imagine, communication is very slow and difficult.

We learned a lot about the foster mothers who care for our children while we wait to bring them home. Many are older, who have grown children. Some may have school aged children in the home. I know our foster mother has two children and I believe they are still in school.  The children don’t really have a routine or discipline with their foster mothers as their needs are almost always met immediately and foster mothers try very hard to anticipate the needs of their children.  They don’t like to want the children cry so they try very hard to give them what they want.  They also typically co-sleep with the children or have them sleep on their back in a sling during the day/early evening hours.  These things have us somewhat concerned as we transition, especially the transition period of our pick-up trip, as we will have to slowly work on adding small bits of routine and structure into his life.

We also discussed other issues that previous adoptive parents have encountered from sleep to food, but the one that has me most concerned is the attachment/bonding piece.  Obviously this is so important as our child will essentially be losing one family and grieving this loss, while in turn learning to adapt to a new family.  I want to make this transition as smooth as possible, but it’s hard to predict how he will handle everything.  He may be resilient and do fine, but I want to be prepared for the rockier roads as they seem more realistic. 

During the Webinar they discussed not having family come visit within the first few months of returning home as this confuses the child.  So, as much as some of you may want to help and visit, we won’t be having visitors during the first few months that Bennett’s home.  We want to make sure he knows who his parents are and that we are the ones who will meet his needs.  Visitors will be very confusing to him with so many people entering and leaving his life just as his foster family did.  We hope everyone understands this and respects our wishes.  We also won’t be having people hold him when they visit as again, we are reinforcing attachment and bonding, which is so important during the first year of his life.  We’re also worried about him rejecting one of us. This often happens as the child grieves and transitions.  Neither one of us wants to be this parent, but it helps to know that it might happen.  It still will hurt, but we know he’ll come around.  

On other news, we appreciate everyone who has been ordering things for our Thirty-One fundraiser. Finances have been a wreck for us since we moved. We had the majority of our adoption fees saved prior to the move, but having to pay closing costs on our Indiana home and then having to put money down on the Texas house, plus the move itself has really wiped out our savings.  I am looking for a second job as Thirty-One has not been as profitable since we moved.  I’m always happy to ship things to my friends out of state and I am working on trying to add consultants to my team, but in the mean time I have to find something else to help get our finances on track. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue in our adoption journey.

Amanda (and David too)